


Your Gift Shines

by Darkhymns



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Genderbending, M/M, Romance, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 15:38:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18741994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkhymns/pseuds/Darkhymns
Summary: Collin treasured the necklace Lloyd gave him, but isn't foolish enough to think it could mean anything more than a gift from his friend. He was just another boy that Lloyd felt he needed to protect, that was all. He could learn to be happy with that.AU where Colette (named Collin) is a boy - but the feelings are the same.





	Your Gift Shines

**Author's Note:**

> The hardest part of this was trying to find a suitable boy name for Colette but nothing sounded right, so Collin it is! Sorry to those who tried to help me with it...

 

Collin didn’t realize he had been fiddling with the necklace until he felt Genis’ eyes on him.

“Ah, sorry! Were you saying something?” he asked, looking to his friend.

Genis shrugged. “No, I was just going outside for some air. You alright though?”

Collin felt a little nervous, but covered that up with a smile, as he was used to always doing anyway. Good enough that maybe even Lloyd wouldn’t pick up on it. “No, I was doing the same. The night breeze feels really good!”

Ozette’s sole inn was small but it was within the forest, the air still feeling so crisp and clear. Even through the gigantic trees that overtook the sky, Collin could still see the stars, wondering if they were the same ones he tried to count back then.

“Yeah, guess it does.” Genis stood next to Collin, soon smiling brightly. “Good thing Lloyd has some uses, huh?”

“Lloyd’s always useful!” Collin argued, knowing Genis was mainly joking. Still, he wanted to defend Lloyd… He couldn’t help but reach for the necklace again, it’s shape even and the metal shining from the moonlight. Then he kept staring at it…

“So do you feel okay though?”

Ah, he was blanking out again! He smiled down at Genis. “Yeah! Is there, um, something wrong?”

“Well, you got your soul back! I’m curious if you’re feeling the same, that’s all.” Genis eyed the necklace again. Collin wondered why, then soon figured out an answer.

“Oh, did Lloyd not give you a present?”

Genis blinked. “Huh? Why do you ask that?”

“Well, your birthday was before mine… he didn’t get you a necklace too?” Maybe Lloyd was still being late with presents. But only probably because he wanted to give his best effort!

“Wh- why would he give _me_ a necklace?”

Collin could only just keep feeling confused. “Because Lloyd is good at making necklaces?”

Genis sputtered. “But – he’s not – argh!” The younger boy frowned. “Think about what you’re saying.”

Collin really tried to but… “I’m sorry?”

A sigh. “Never mind. Just… this is good confirmation that you’re definitely the same, Collin.” Genis shook his head. So much like when they were younger, all three boys hanging outside Collin’s home. Lloyd would be so eager to share stories his dad had told him, while Genis continually questioned their truthfulness. But those were some of the brightest days for Collin, sitting between them and listening, Lloyd’s eyes catching his occasionally.

Genis shook him out of his thoughts again. “Anyway, I think I’m already tired. Good night.”

“Good night!” Collin waved as Genis went back inside the inn, his steps creaking against wooden floorboards. Then the Chosen of Sylvarant turned back to the sky, still clasping the necklace between his fingers.

Lloyd was just good at making necklaces. It didn’t mean anything more than that, no matter how much Collin might wish it to be.

* * *

Collin had always been a weak Chosen, even though people would be too kind to ever say that to his face. A boy like him should be strong! He should be brave, and be everybody’s protector, and not just want to pet cute doggies all day! (But he loved cute doggies so much…) A boy like him, especially one that was a Chosen, should have the courage to do his duty and, for a while, he felt he did that. Even though he couldn’t learn a proper men’s weapon like the sword, the chakrams gave him an advantage. And it was still okay if he used it well! He could fight, even if it was in a way people didn’t expect.

But in the end, he had been so scared. He felt so much guilt now, even as he felt relieved on being able to feel and taste, to just be himself again, thanks to the friend he had always admired.

A boy like him should be as strong as someone like Lloyd, as courageous like Lloyd, as handsome – wait. He hadn’t meant to go in that direction.

But, um. He did think that though. He thought that a lot. And a boy like him shouldn’t really be thinking that, especially a Chosen anyway.

Collin went back inside the inn, already missing the wind that lifted at his short hair. It had grown a little during his journey through Sylvarant, and Lloyd had helpfully given him a haircut. A bit messy looking, but short enough so that he could easily feel the cool breeze against his neck. Lloyd was always kind like that, just like Lloyd had always been kind to him as a child, making fast and easy friends with him.

Going back to the room, he was surprised to find that Lloyd wasn’t in their shared room, though his belongings were scattered around the floor. There was his satchel, some of it spilling over with some of the crafting tools he carried around. Collin felt that maybe this was a good opportunity to change at least. It always felt a bit strange doing that with Lloyd around, even though they were both boys, so really, it was no issue at all…

The door opened behind him suddenly, nearly making him jump.

“Oh! Collin, you’re back!” Lloyd went in quickly, grinning wide. “I was getting kind of worried.”

The same little burst of happiness that always floated through Collin’s chest at times like these did so again at Lloyd’s smile. He did his best though to not touch the necklace, now fully hidden underneath his overcoat. “Lloyd! Sorry, I just wanted to go for a walk… Were you looking-”

He stopped, noticing what Lloyd was holding in his hands. A wooden carving, with the design of something familiar on it. Oh…

Lloyd saw where his eyes were pointed at and couldn’t help but show off his latest work! “Ah, yeah I was just working on this for Sheena! She’s been down ever since Volt’s temple… but I thought like, making like one of those wish tags might help cheer her up a little? I was trying to get Corrine’s shape right in this…” And there was the imprint of the summon spirit’s curvy tails, and even the fur tufts, and paws…

Collin smiled back at Lloyd. “That’s great! She’ll really love it, I bet.” Sheena would like Lloyd’s creation for sure. He had noticed how often Sheena tagged along Lloyd, even before the final seal back at Sylvarant. Once he got his soul back, he still saw that, and how Lloyd clearly enjoyed Sheena’s company. That made sense! Sheena was smart and brave, and she was very beautiful too. Zelos complimented on Sheena so often, so Lloyd for sure would have noticed that as well.

A boy like Lloyd would like a girl such as Sheena! It made sense, and Collin was happy for them. Yes, he was really happy. And he showed that by keeping up his smile.

“Oh, were you going to ask me something? Sorry, I guess I kinda started blabbing there.” Lloyd laughed, the sound traveling through Collin’s ears with warmth.

“U-um… I, was just asking if you were looking for Sheena! Since you were making something for her…”

“Hm? No, I was just trying to find a quiet place around here… Zelos wouldn’t stop visiting me in here.” Lloyd said this with an irritated frown. “Kept asking so many dumb questions.”

Collin blinked. “Really? Like what?”

“Just dumb stuff… Anyway! Have you been sleeping okay? Did you wanna get like a snack or something?”

Lloyd had moved past him to put his stuff away back in his satchel. His red jacket was unbuttoned, probably also wanting to enjoy the night breeze that Ozette gave. Collin watched Corrine’s relief vanish from sight, but still saw clearly how hard Lloyd had worked on it. Suddenly he couldn’t help but remember…

_“Heeey, so you’re the little angel everyone’s been missing!” Zelos leaned near the other boy, red hair tumbling down his shoulder to brush against Collin’s cheek. “Hm, you know, when I ran into you for the first time, I thought you were a short-haired hunny, heh.”_

_“Um!” Collin started, vaguely recalling how his soulless self had just thrown Zelos over his head with barely restrained strength. “I’m sorry, also, um, what?” There were a few things Zelos was throwing his way, none of them making much sense._

_Zelos laughed. “Man, could have fooled me. Complete with those wings and all.”_

_“Oh. Are my wings bad?” Collin did suppose they were weird looking on him, with their pink color especially…_

_“Nah. They suit you. Anyway, just wanted to let you know how we Chosen gotta stick together! Brothers-in-arms and all that!”_

_“Um… yeah!” Collin agreed. He was another Chosen, after all! Someone like him! Well, in some ways at least. “I don’t have a brother, but if I did have one, I bet he’d be someone like you!” He hadn’t really understood what his earlier comment had meant though…_

_Zelos looked perplexed at first before grinning. “Okay, I can see why country boy sticks by you. You know, for a guy, even I gotta say you’re kind of a cutie.”_

_Collin wasn’t sure how to answer that? He only laughed nervously, finally trying to speak. “I- I’m not that… I’m sure other people are much cuter!” Oh, that sounded weird to say…_

_“Well, you’re right. The hunnies in our party are pretty cute. Little rosebud, the cool professor, and of course my voluptuous hunny… ya got a favorite?”_

_Collin clasped his hands before him, really at a loss. He… couldn’t say what he was really thinking, who his actual favorite was... “I think they all look nice!”_

_Zelos narrowed his eyes. “Okay… Well! I gotta go with Sheena, my hot firebrand. Although she sure is getting chummy with Lloyd lately. They did any bonding over back in your world or something?”_

_Collin suddenly didn’t really want to think on this. “Well, she did help us out a lot… I’m not sure.”_

_But the other Chosen seemed so interested in them. “Gotta tell ya, bud needs to be clear on what team he’s playing for. Next thing I know, they’ll be kissing under the moonlight before I get to make my move!”_

_That made Collin stand still, completely at a loss on what to say at first. Finally, all he could settle with was, “What about teams?” That didn’t make sense to him either._

_Zelos sighed, much like Genis tended to. “Never mind… I guess I’m one to talk, heh.” For a moment, Zelos looked away, lips twisted in his smile, before turning back to Collin with a flail. “I mean, not like that though! I ain’t interested in guys!”_

_“Okay…” Collin said, but still he figured Zelos, as a Chosen like him, was still nice in the end…_

Collin realized he had blanked out again, only after Lloyd had been calling out to him a few times.

“Ah, I’m sorry! I didn’t hear…”

“I was saying if you wanted that ice cream stuff they sell at the store here?” Lloyd was asking. At some point, he had moved closer to Collin again, which made oxygen once again hard to come by for him. “Are you really okay? Is your necklace still working right?”

“Yeah! I’m still myself, aren’t I?” Collin proved that with a smile, then held out his hand, fingers flexing in on his palm. “And I can feel things again too thanks to you!”

“Heh, yeah!” Lloyd looked proud then. He took Collin’s hand in a handshake, not wearing his gloves at the moment. Collin could feel the heat of Lloyd’s hand, something he had known for a long time. He had missed it when he felt those senses of his fade, his voice silent, resorting to doing little patterns over Lloyd’s palm.

“Actually, um, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Lloyd started to say, his voice a bit low. He was still holding Collin’s hand, thumb running across his skin. He must have not realized he was doing that. “Do you like it?”

Still a bit distracted by Lloyd’s touches, Collin took a moment. “S-sorry. Do I like what?”

“Your, um, necklace. I wanted to ask before but… well, things were happening.” Lloyd smiled again, his face a bit red. Maybe he was getting hot? “I-I kinda rushed through fixing it, so we could get you back. I can make it better later if you wanted!”

“Oh… Oh I really love it a lot!” he said, but then realized saying that was probably too strange coming from a boy. “I mean, it’s great! You made it look…” _Beautiful._ “Really cool!”

Lloyd blinked, seeming to expect something else but then laughed. “Heh, I did want it to be kind of cool looking…”

“It is!” Collin tightened his hand over Lloyd’s, also not realizing what he was doing. “I bet when you make Genis’ necklace, it’ll also look cool.”

Lloyd, still with his smile, looked at Collin blankly. “Uh… huh? Why Genis?”

Oh… he had said something wrong, but he wasn’t sure what! Maybe Lloyd didn’t want to be reminded he was late on his present? Sometimes Collin said dumb things and this was just one of them now. “Ah, I was just… you make really good necklaces. And I’m sure Genis would… like one too?”

“Um.” Lloyd looked to the side, as if searching for an answer. “But… I only made… I mean…”

“Sorry… I said something stupid, didn’t I?” Collin slipped his hand out of Lloyd’s grip, feeling ashamed.

“N-no! That’s not… hm…” Lloyd seemed to be really confused too! “Just, forget it.” A pause. “Hey, uh, did you still want that ice cream?”

Collin couldn’t help but think it was a bit late for ice cream… and clearly he had hurt Lloyd somehow. He hadn’t meant to do that. “If you want to? I’m sure Sheena would like some too!” Maybe that was what would fix the weird situation he had put both himself and Lloyd in. Sheena would make Lloyd happy for sure.

“Oh, um, I guess so? But she’s probably resting. Come on, let’s go! I think my money is somewhere… around here…” Lloyd went to search in one of the little drawers in the room, intently searching for his missing gald.

“We could just tell her though? You sure you don’t want that?” Collin kept hedging, needing to make this right! Lloyd needed to be happy right now.

“It’s okay! Can just go another time with her?” Lloyd was turned away, still searching, and for some reason, Lloyd’s back to him made him so nervous that he couldn’t help but burst out what he would say next.

“I just, um, I think it would be a great date thing together with her! I don’t need to tag along if you don’t want.”

Another pause. Lloyd had stopped shuffling through the drawer. Then he turned around.

“A date? What?”

Collin felt like he wanted to sink into the ground. Why did he say that? _Why did he say that??_

“Um, because you two get along so well! And, it’s great that you are! And you were making the present for her because you like her…” Oh no now he was rambling. He shut himself up, smiling at Lloyd nervously.

Lloyd blinked, looking at the floor, then back to his face. “Uh… I like her enough but… wait, you mean like…”

Please, could he just turn back time and never say something so stupid ever again? “I’m sorry. I just… I just wanted to say I’m happy for you, that’s all!” Maybe that was enough?

But Lloyd only seemed to be more lost by the second. “Wh- Collin, what are you talking about? Why do you think I’m…”

There was something in Lloyd’s tone that Collin couldn’t quite understand. He was hurting Lloyd somehow. With all the wrong things he was saying. Collin nearly wanted to cry himself at having done that to the person most important to him. The sensation was relieving, for all those times he hadn’t been allowed to cry because of his angel state, and also painful, because a boy shouldn’t do something like cry at all. Even if Lloyd had cried for him that night when he found out, but Lloyd had always been different and…

“It’s… nothing! Never mind, I’m sorry.” Collin turned away, heading for the door. “I’m… I’m just going for a walk. We can get ice cream later!”

“Collin! Hold on a sec-”

He moved outside quick, hands gripping the necklace fast, its weight comforting, remembering how it hung on him when he was still trapped within himself, unable to move or say a word. Only when that lady had tried to take it, eyes narrowed in disgust at how he wore it…

But it was precious to him.

* * *

Ozette was naturally a secluded place, so Collin soon found a private enough area – one wooden balcony that stretched out onto the giant boughs. At the very least, this place helped him gather his thoughts a bit more… and realized how stupid and petty he must have sounded then.

It was just, Lloyd had always been his friend, always so interested in him, despite the other people at school. Lloyd always paid attention to him, always gave him things – like those doggy figures, or a messy drawing, and then the necklace but…

He knew in the end he couldn’t keep that. Becoming an angel once ensured it, yet after coming back, he had gotten too greedy. But he couldn’t wish for something like that, not when he was sure Lloyd wasn’t interested. And Collin knew he shouldn’t think that either… but it was hard to not. These were not feelings he could just shut off.

But it would be so much easier if he could.

“Collin, you over here?”

He wiped at his eyes quickly enough, thankful that his tears had been little at the very least. His grandmother had told him, _now now, boys shouldn’t cry, you know._ And he tried his best, but he had never been like the others and…

“Y-yeah! I’m here, Lloyd! Just wanted some air, hehe.” Even his voice sounded too high pitched, so he cleared his throat to lower it down. “Did.. did you need something?”

Collin had been sitting on a bench, hands placed neatly in his lap. He heard Lloyd seat himself next him, feeling his heat again. Just the hint of his leg pressed against his was enough to make Collin try to swallow his nervousness.

“Um, can I ask you… something else?” Lloyd said, mimicking his nervousness. Collin hated that he was only making Lloyd uncomfortable, that he was making him think he had to run after him. Lloyd always had to do that, ever since they were kids, and he was sure he’d rather do that for someone else that wasn’t…

“Do you know why I gave you that necklace?”

Collin hadn’t expected that question. He turned to Lloyd. “My necklace?”

Lloyd was staring at him, a little closer than he realized. “Yeah.”

He could never explain why looking at Lloyd’s eyes sometimes left him breathless, in ways that maybe a few schoolgirls might have felt, or he felt some must have… Again, the guilt rose in him sharply, but he tried to stem that away to answer Lloyd. “To bring me back. And it worked!” He smiled. “I’m happy it did.”

Lloyd didn’t look unhappy at the answer, but, he didn’t look fully happy either. “Well… yeah, that was one reason I guess. But, well there’s another reason.”

Collin was feeling stumped. He searched through his brain again. “For my birthday?”

Lloyd sighed in aggravation. “Okay, yeah, that too! But… like…” He reached for one of Collin’s hands in his lap, holding it fast in his own. “There’s… a really specific reason I made a necklace for you! Do you not get it?”

Collin blinked, feeling even stupider than before. “I…” His hand trembled in Lloyd’s grip. “I’m not… sure what you mean?”

Lloyd then placed his free hand against his face, groaning more. “Seriously?!”

“I’m sorry! Maybe um… you wanted to test out a new necklace design? For when you make your best one for…” Ah okay, he should be quiet. He could tell, even through Lloyd’s hand that covered his own face, that this wasn’t making him happy at all.

“Collin! Come on already!”

“I… I’m trying!” But he could only come up with more blanks. “I really don’t know…”

Lloyd let his hand fall from his face, closing his eyes. “This isn’t a thing I give to other guys, okay? Or… or girls, like you seem to think or something.”

This didn’t help make things any clearer for Collin. “But… why not? You always make really beautiful things, Lloyd.” Oh, he shouldn’t have said that. Now he definitely sounded weird!

“Gah, why are you… so stupid?!”

Before he could apologize again, Lloyd had moved closer, bringing their clasped hands together to help Collin meet him halfway. His mouth was warm, pressing against his own hard. Collin felt an arm wrap around his back, so tempted to sink into this hold that he hadn’t really dared think about before.

“Ah, I.. Lloy…” But he fell more against Lloyd who seemed determined to kiss away his protesting, his hands strong on him, and feeling so nice overall. It almost made Collin want to cry again, but a boy shouldn’t cry, but then he shouldn’t be doing this with Lloyd either, except…

The mouth finally let him go, but only to pant against his lips, barely an inch away. Collin couldn’t stop looking into Lloyd’s eyes, which encompassed him entirely.

“Oh..” Collin could only breathe, sounding so winded. “Um… sorry, I…”

“Don’t apologize, okay?” Lloyd gave him another kiss, shorter and lighter this time, sending an even sharper thrill through Collin’s chest. “But… you understand me now, right?”

“Yeah…” Collin spoke softly, as if afraid he would wake from this dream too soon, because it had to be a dream. Even so, he was apparently determined to ruin this. “But… wouldn’t you rather…” He stopped, but the meaning was clear. _A girl, instead?_

Lloyd heard, and he sighed in response. “Collin. I mean… you don’t get why I like you?”

“Um, not… totally,” he answered. He still had so little air in him…

“Because… you’re funny! And you’re kind and strong and you’re cute and… I like that? I just really like you… a lot.” Lloyd smiled then, the kind of smile that always made Collin feel a little weak, that he sometimes thought to himself that such a smile was only for him. It had been a silly thought, at least he had always believed so. But now… “I just want to be with you. When I lost you, I didn’t know what to do. I… I guess I thought it was obvious how I felt, but I forgot people act weird about this kind of thing. I didn’t realize until Zelos started asking me about teams and garbage like that…” Lloyd’s voice turned lower, into a grumble. “And this place… people kept giving looks when I was helping you up off that tree branch.”

“O-oh… yeah, hehe. I’m sorry about that. For the tree branch! And… everything else.” Collin played with Lloyd’s hand in both his own, tempted to trace something there. Maybe that had been strange too, but Lloyd had accepted that so easily.

“Hey,” he heard him say, and raised his head to meet those eyes again. “I should have asked before, just… I needed you to know. I won’t kiss again if you don’t-”

Collin let go of Lloyd’s hand to grip at his jacket, staying close. “I want you to kiss me again. If…” He bit his lip, then looked back to Lloyd. “Please?”

Everything about him had always been less. A boy like him should be more, maybe someone like Lloyd… But Lloyd was Lloyd and he liked having that. And maybe it was okay for Collin to be himself. Lloyd seemed to think so…

With that smile that made his heart shake in his chest, Lloyd leaned in to kiss him again, one hand cupping his cheek, fingers brushing through his short hair. He could stay like this forever, and it was only the weight of the necklace on him that reminded Collin that this was real. He didn’t have to worry about waking up.


End file.
